A'levels finally over!!!!! though happy, but not quite relieved.. but well, i must learn to leave it to GOD and not worry unnecessarily.

Thank God i've found a charity organisation that i can work with ^^
Blessings in a Bag: -- Together let's make a difference, one child at a time
May God bless my time working with them, and may we truly be able to make a difference in the lives of the children at Tiwala Kids and Communities (Philippnes) and Baan Dada Children’s Home (Thailand).

1st assignment: Sunday 23rd nov 3-5pm @ Serene Center level 3.

Anyone who has the following and wants to contribute, may bring it to
Comics Mart
10 Jalan Serene
#02-05 Serene Centre
Singapore 258748


First Aid Kit (Need to be NEW or a kit that hasn’t been used before)
Bandaids
Children’s Workbooks (Maths, English, Science, Biology, Chemistry, etc.)
Educational Toys and Games (Puzzles, flashcards, etc.)
Clothing (For Babies, Children, Teenagers - any items that are for adults will be sent to orphanages or communities who can give them out.)
Blankets
School/Art Supplies (Pens, pencils, workbooks, crayons, etc.) - MUST BE NEW
Children’s Story Books
Teenage Story Books
Shoes (In good condition or NEW)
Flip Flops (In good condition or NEW)
Hygiene (Toothbrush, Soap, etc.) - MUST BE NEW
Toys
Pillow Cases
Bed Sheets
Towels
Fabric (at least 30cm in length)


You may also like to rally up a group of friends to make your own Blessings Bags. All items in the Blessing Bags must be NEW.

1. HYGIENE BLESSING BAGS

Using a large zip-lock bag enclose the following NEW items:

1 toothbrush (packaged)
1 KID SAFE toothpaste
1 small pack of band aids
1 bottle of KID SAFE shampoo
1 comb/brush
Towels (Either large bath ones or small facial towels)
Soap Bars (must be KID SAFE!)
2. CLOTHING BLESSING BAGS

Using a large bag enclose the following items:

Pick a gender and put 2 sets of clothing into the bag
Shoes
Socks

3. SCHOOL BLESSING BAGS

Using a large bag enclose the following NEW items:
writing books
1 ruler
1 box of colored pencils
1 box of crayons
1 pencil box filled with the following items:
5 blue/black pens
5 pencils
1 pencil sharpener
1 pink eraser
1 pair of safety scissors

as the title shows... it's only a short 12 days to A'levels..
the thing to be glad about.. is that we start 9 days later than O'levels..

most of us must be feeling all stressed up.. going mad? i hope not.

what's our reason for working so hard?
for our parents?
for ourselves?
for money?
and the list goes on..

whatever it is, i guess all of us simply need some source of motivation.

for myself..
the motivation would be my dream of reading law..
and more importantly, is to glorify God..

one thing that has been bothering me..
the worry that my family would blame my poor results on my faith..
i really want them to know that GOD had been good to me.. and he wants to save Man, incl. them.

Adoration to God:

1. for being the Creator of the universe and all things in it.

2. for being the Author and Finisher of our faith

3. for being our Provider

4. for granting us peace as we look to Him

5, for giving us strength to do His work

6. for godly wisdom and counsel

Thanksgiving to my precious heavenly Father Lord:

1. seeing me through prelims and helping me to accept the results.

2. granting me the opportunity to go for the interview w.r.t. internship at Julia Gabriel Centre for Learning (can organise Singapore Sec Schs' Debate Championship 2009!)

3. for the reply from justin that i may know more about his faith

4. the chance that xy and i had to talk to ms lim about our fears and worries.

5. for protecting me that i did not have to take part in rituals as my bro's urn was moved.

6. for nc who has agreed to help me on a weekly basis for math

Prayers:

1. for myself and other brethrens to stay close to the Lord as we study.

2. for motivation, wisdom, focus and faith in God as i study in this most crucial period for A'levels

3. for my siamese twins that she'll trust in the Lord to guide and motivate her

4. for Iris' auntie, Auntie Elsie, Auntie Christine, Auntie Judy, Elder Soo who are all having cancer. that God will be with his children, and someone will bring the Gospel to iris' aunt.

5. for justin as he pursues LLB in london, esp for safety.

6. for bryan who's retaking A's and all others who are running the final lap.

7. for myself to decide whether to serve in the children's section or to be an understudy mentor at this year's SS camp.

8. wisdom for the children's section helpers to plan the programme and find the right person to lead.

time flies and it's already term 3 week 2..

while my results hadn't been fantastic, i still thank the LORD for His sustenance, grace and mercy upon me. my math and cll had improved greatly, and it was because the LORD had been with me, encouraging me through His Word. thinking back, it wasn't easy that i found nurhanah to help me with math. i recall how i prayed for God's guidance as i studied on my own and find a tutor. and God answered really quickly, bringing nurhanah to me, and she has been of great help for the past few months, sacrificing time and effort to help this junior who wasn't close to her at all. nc had also been encouraging, and one thing he said that kept coming to my mind was, "don't go to us anymore". what he meant was math US remedial programme coz i failed my math thru'out last yr. indeed, the LORD works in my life through circumstances and ppl, even those unexpected ones.

10.06.08 yet another sad date to be added on the already depressing list.

2 yrs ago, my aunt and grandma passed away one after another in 6 months, both to our surprise. till now, i've no idea just what caused their death. on 10th of june this year, my brother, 20, left us. i had missed sending him off to BMT, and we were waiting for him to come back after 2 weeks. more importantly, i had planned to share the Gospel with him then. i had asked my pastor for advice as to how i should go about reaching out to him, and i read the necessary verses to prepare myself. never did i expect him to collapse and just leave us 5 days after he went in, just 5!! while i was on my way there, i prayed to the LORD to grant me a chance to just share the Gospel with my bro, even if it means i had just a little short while, that was all i asked for. however, the LORD had it all planned, that He would take away my bro's life.
while i grieved the departure of my bro as i knew he was destined for hell, having rejected the LORD, i accepted the fact that he had left. the LORD is still sovereign, and i still love Him as i did before. i didn't blame the LORD for anything, and instead i prayed to the LORD, that if He had to take away my bro to show my family members how fragile life can be, and how important it is to have the LORD with them, then i hope this would be the thing.

after all, what is man but like dust, unworthy of God's attention. going back to the beginning, Adam and Eve had the privilege of being in the Garden of Eden, where the LORD appeared before them, and walked and talked to them. then, upon Satan's temptation, Eve, and Adam, disobeyed the LORD, and committed the first sin. from then all, all man were born with inherited sin, and all had the tendency to sin. sin and God's righteousness are simply world's apart. with sin, man can never stand before the LORD, and no matter what we do, we can never be justified before Him, for man's righteousness are but like filthy rags. however, the LORD is gracious, and while we were yet sinners, the LORD sent His only begotten Son our Lord Jesus Christ to die on the cross for us. this is what makes Christianity different from other religions. Christianity is a personal relationship with the LORD, and it is only because of Him that believers are called out of darkness into His marvellous light, to receive salvation through faith. the LORD is unwilling that any should perish, and this has been of great reminder and encouragement to me.

many a times, while we seek to reach out to others, we tend to get discouraged when people reject the LORD, or when they are simply not interested in spiritual issues. i must confess that it was the same for me at the start. also, i was also one of those that didn't bother about spiritual issues. however, after i went to SA where i heard the Scriptures, got to know my dear bro in Christ who was my debate coach there, the LORD slowly brought me closer and closer to Him. i was attracted to His Word, and initially i wanted to study the Bible for head knowledge. nonetheless, as i read God's Word for myself, i came to realise, and the Holy Spirit convicted me of how great a sinner i am, and that i had to receive Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour, in order to be saved through faith, that my future would be one where i would be with the LORD after i die.

back to my story about my bro.

according to what i know, all of my family members, including those in malaysia and overseas, are buddhists, and my mum is a staunch one. my sister got really mad when she found out i was doing bible study, and she threatened to disown this sis. my mum kept telling me not to go to church, and my dad is really superstitious. looking at such situation, i kept my faith hidden from them. most people, except those in Galilee, wouldn't know i have such a background, coz i went about attending service, various bible studies and seminars, and shared the Gospel with friends around, as if i came from Christian family. it was a great burden to me having to remain a hidden Christian and not salt and light for my family, showing them how wonderful the LORD had been to me.

during my bro's funeral, i was expected to particpate in the rituals. deep in my heart i knew very very very clearly that this was against God's Commandment, and i didn't want to grieve Him. in trying to escape from all this, i hidded at the stairs for 3plus hours. even before the funeral, on the day when my bro passed away, i had taught of this issue, and i had prayed to the LORD to help me stand firm and to give me wisdom and courage to tell my family NO. i called my pastor, deaconness and church sister. the LORD sent them to be with me, to give me advice, and most importantly, to PRAY with me. nothing is impossible with the LORD!! i cried and cried as i pondered over how to tell my family that it is against my faith to take part in the rituals. i was really on the verge of breakdown, especially spiritually as i wanted to obey the LORD, but was softened by my mum, seeing how grieved she was. i did thought of doing the wrong thing before, and that was to take part in the rituals just to comfort my mum, and stand firm in my belief that all those things are simply useless. no doubt the LORD would forgive me, i could not forgive myself. how could i do such a thing!!!!!!! the LORD requires that we honour Him first, before we honour our parents.

taking part in the rituals had 2 possible effects:
1. my family would know that i do it out of love for my bro, but i still trusted the LORD and desired greatly to obey Him.
2. i would stumble my family, who would question if my faith in GOD was true and lasting

my catholic senior was telling me i could just take part in the rituals and then seek the LORD's forgiveness, since Roman Catholicism advocated praying for the dead. i thank the LORD that i did not waver at that moment, and i told my senior that it would be against God's Word, and i made it clear that Christians do NOT believe in praying for the dead. before he left, he told me to consider the issue, but i just said that i would NOT compromise and i hoped that although our thoughts differ, he would still pray for my mum to accept my faith. what's more, GOD had it planned that my senior would not come for my bro's wake on the 2nd day when i did take part in the rituals. u might be thinking, wasn't i supposed to be firm in my belief, so why did i still do it? well, all i can say is that as a human being, i still had my own weaknesses, and in this case, it was the unwillingness to see my mum be saddened further since to her the rituals would benefit my bro in the netherworld. i really wanted to tell her how her beliefs are all screwed up, but that wouldn't be a wise thing to do as she really disliked Christianity, and i might just force her to become extreme towards GOD. anyway, i thank the LORD that my senior did not see me compromise, or i would have stumbled him in knowing the truth. it would have been yet another regret of mine if i were to stumble him, as i have been trying hard to show him the way to the LORD, to show him how wrong Romanism was, and how simple salvation would come about, and is by faith in Christ, and faith alone.

after all these long paragraphs, what i hope to encourage fellow brothers and sisters in Christ is to really really stand FIRM in your faith, and don't compromise to pressure or whatever. the regret and burden in ur heart because of the fact that you had disobeyed the LORD, is just so heavy. i've no idea how long that foolish decision of mine would bother me, but i just pray that we would all come to worship the true and living GOD in truth and in spirit, to trust and obey Him, and lead a life where we put the LORD first!!!!!!

and now, to my dear siamese twin & sister in Christ who has taken the time off to read this really long post..

i'm thankful to the LORD to see that you are trying to reach out to ur ahem =D well, that i day i was really upset by how he didn't get the idea of how a believer and non-believer ought not be together, and the other issues that we tried really hard to explain to him. i'm sure it hurts you so much more, as you seek to see him come into the fold of Christ our Lord. though i'm strongly against this r'ship between u 2, i pray that you'll make good use of whatever chances the LORD will give you to reach out to him. nevertheless, it is still my advice that you 2 come to a decision soon, as such r'ship are not blessed by the LORD, and i've just heard so many of such cases. while you may have found one who loves you a lot, remember, the LORD loves you so much more, and the best way to repay Him is to obey His Word.

you know what, i myself am very stupid too, liking a roman catholic, you know who.... but well, he doesn't know it, and he must not know it. i clearly know how pathetic it is when 2 ppl are in a r'ship, and yet they can't agree on spiritual issues, and i've heard of some whereby the couple simply leave God out of the equation. i would never ever want to be like this. as this post's title says, what's more important than spiritual issues?? as each day passes, this conviction grows deeper, and my desire to serve the LORD remains ever alive.

Ten Commandments:
Exodus 20:1-17 (KJV)
And God spake all these words, saying,
1. I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
6. Thou shalt not kill.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

verses to know:

--> when you wonder the reason for your existence

"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." (Revelation 4:11)

--> as you share the Gospel with a Roman Catholic

"Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ." (Colossians 2:8)

--> when you face opposition

"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." (Matthew 5:11)

--> if you want to encourage fellow believers

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

--> as you go about daily life

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

--> when you fail to read God's Word

"It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4)

--> as you study

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." (James 1:5-6)

--> when you're weary

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29)

--> when you need peace

" Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

bad things always come one after another. and they are causing me to have a BIG headache. haix... last wk Bible Society sent me sth out of a sudden. i dun even know where they get my address from. anyway my mum was asking if i'm attending church and she warned me nt to go to church. sianx. she's saying the same thgs as my sis. i still lack the courage to tell my family. to them i'm expected to follow my parents' religion. WHY?? i just pray tt God will speak to my family members' hearts, and let them know tt He is the one and only true God tt offers salvation and hope.

tmr gona have debate prac and i only knew abt the things i have to research just now. pray tt i'll have enuf time to complete the research!!

tmr's also Sister Charissa's birthday and my gor's ORD.. in 3 days and we gona have 5 bday celebrations. thank God for the blessings tt He has given to His children, and may He con't to be with them. as for AS, well.. hope that he'll come to realise tt there's a God tt controls all things in this universe and he should not con't to be a free-thinker.

verse for meditation: Seeking Lost Souls: Luke 15:6-7 "and when He cometh home, He calleth together His friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with Me; for I have found My sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance." Amen.

haix.. 2nd time i missed service coz i overslept. must pray for God's forgiveness. duno why these few days extremely tired. can't exactly get to slp, yet can't wake up either. this week i kept misplacing my stuffs too, like my SCSF record book which is soooooo impt, then today i 4gt to bring my Navigators bk. luckily my discipler is a v nice sister, so we ended up sharing.

well, it's been such a long time since i've been sooo emo. i tld her a lot, but still, there were much more tt i chose nt to tell her, if nt i sure burst out crying like i did last night and previously. sometimes i do wonder, would things have been better if i cont'd to be spiritually blind. deep down i had a clear ans, definitely NOT. God had chosen me, and i must not give up the privilege of being His child just becoz of worldly issues. i've always heard of what many Galileans went through as the 1st Christian in their family. disowning, caning, ignoring.. all these were what the senior Galileans experienced. no matter what happened, God still blessed them. my discipler's grandma refused to talk to her for 3 years after her baptism too. i wonder when i would have my baptism?? pastor just asked me abt 2 wks ago..

talking abt ytd.. somehow i was just very sad when my gor said tt he's quite resistant to Christianity. seems like he's even worse than xh. so, tgt with all the probs tt are bothering me, i cried really hard. maybe it's time tt i release the stress, troubles, sadness, etc in me. but whatever the case, i'll not give up. i'll persevere on and pray for the salvation of ppl around me.

to my twin and xh: i'm really sorry for making u 2 accompany me go meet as.. i didn't expect things to turn out tt badly. i thought it would be nice for u [my twin] to come along since he's ur gor too. anyway, hope u wun take it to heart and i'm really sorry for making u feel so awkward n extra tt day. as for xh, bu hao yi si tt u were dragged in too. =(

tmr having A'level H1 Chinese. yet to practise on any papers, just read through the tb. anyway, all the best for all who are taking the paper. although i know tt a lot of ppl cnt be bothered with their MT, but still, must study for it!! hope tt i can do well for the paper too, though the results not as precious as HCL, but i must glorify God in all tt i do (this was what my discipler reminded me today).

supposed to get more daisies for our SCSF project too. we made quite a dumb mistake, ignoring the instruction given for the commercial preservative. haix. now still have to think of what kind of "vases" to use. and i need to quickly analyse the data too - fresh weight, water uptake, pH of solution.

tuesday having the 3rd rehearsal with mr hong. tt day thursday was quite ok. luckily i had prepared for Q&A, if not i would have been so freaked out. i really hope tt i can get A, though B seems to be the most possible. i'll just trust in God to give me what He deems best for me. may God also sustain my whole team.

still haven really decided what else to get for my twin's bday though i've chosen a bk tt was recommended by my sister gwyn when we went to sks on friday.

verse to meditate on: "trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto tihne own understanding. in all ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

it's been 465 days since i last posted. somehow life has been in such a mess that it seems pointless to blog. but well, i suddenly have an urge to note down what had happened recently.

fri was quite a scary day.. to cut things short. the best word to describe my feelings is DISCOURAGED. i was so looking forward to tt day to meet up with as, and of coz i made yy come along, and end up lp came too. i wanted to share the Good News, but as n lp's reply made me soooooo discouraged. nevertheless, i still thank God tt He gave me the chance to find out what is as de stand w.r.t Christianity. fri was the 1st time i ever felt like giving up. i can't explain what happenend, somehow Satan half succeeded. luckily, while i was doing my discipleship hmwk, God spoke to me thru 1 Cor 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Praise the LORD for this wonderful verse tt came at the right time. nowadays i tend to have little faith. so fellow brethrens, pls pray for me to stay close to God. thank God also for the Reformation Rally. once again He reminded to stand strong on my faith.

my studies have come to an all-time low. worst results ever. why have i gone to jj in the 1st place. giving up my SA, my debate. sometimes i just feel like giving up. yet i dun wan to lead a life of fear, not knowing where i would end up. i was once full of drive, wanting so much to get into CBE in nus, but now.. i dun even know what i will get in my As.. whateverit is, i trust God, for He knows the plans for me. in Him i have hope and future, and He only gives me the best. even though ppl may not understand, but i know clearly tt through Him, nth is impossible and desperate.

thanksgivings:
1. thank God for the time i had in SA at the start of the yr, where i got to hear the Scriptures, know my wonderful debate coach, fellow debaters and seniors
2. that i'm now His child
3. God's faithfulness
4. God's sustainence
5. loving Galileans who never cease to show concern and who helped me in my studies
6. my twin - YY. i can't imagine what life would be without her, esp in JJ. words can never describe how glad i am for her being there
7. my discipler - Allvina, who is like a big sister whom i can share my problems with
8. my gor - AS, who has patiently listened to my complains etc since i was in sec 1
9. my SA debate coach - Nelson, who brought me to Galilee, showed me what it means to be a Christian, gave me my 1st bible, and many other materials, etc. through him, i got to know more about God. 10. for everthing that God has given me.
11. a verse for all: "Rejoice in the LORD always, and i say it again, rejoice! The LORD is near, let your gentleness be evident to all. In everything give thanks."

prayers:
1. to seek the heart of God, study His Word, seek His Will, and most importantly, to focus on God.
2. to share the Good News to as many non-believers as possible, namely, as, lp, yong en, bryan, etc. that friendships wun be lost due to my faith, but rather stronger friendships be built thru the same faith
3. wisdom for the last lap of PW - OP
4. more wisdom for my re-exams - Math and Chinese Lit.
5. still wisdom - for SCSF and SSEF
6. courage to say things that i ought to
7. that God will speak to as n lp, so that they might be more receptive to His Word, and read the materials tt i've given them
8. for yy's n my spiritual growth
9. another verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcneds all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

extremely short version of my testimony:
before i went to SA, i was an anti-Christian, and i really hated them. then after i heard the Scriptures - from the book of Psalm and the book of Proverb - i became interested in God's Word. thank God i was brought to Galilee, where i could study His Word. from then on, i had always wanted to share the Gospel with others, and i even wanted to go on missions. slowly, after 4mths, i finally received Christ. it was really God's perfect timing. i was doing my Precepts hmwk, and i was thinking of receiving Christ through my own prayer. suddenly, Pastor came by, and He asked me the same qn again. so.. he told me a lot of things, went thru the 10 commandments in details, and prayed with me. from then on, i was no longer a slave to sin. praise the LORD for He did not give me up.

my sis doesn't understand my faith, ttz why she cnt agree with me. well, i was spiritually blind previously, blindly following my mum's religion, not knowing if what i did really made any difference. i recall when my youngest auntie passed away, i was so sad. i often prayed to the buddhist god, hoping tt she will have a better life in the netherworld after suffering from her illness when she was alive. then, when my grandma passed away, i guess i had became "immuned" in a sense. i wasn't exactly sad, but i felt strange with my grandma gone. we had to go thru a lot of rituals as instructed by the priests. back then i was thinking, are these really useful? since young i've been having this qn: how can u be sure tt the incense papers u've burnt will get to ur relative? nth can prove tt what u're doing is useful. i wasn't exactly a religious person. i didn't quite believe in the gods tt my mum prayed to. however, after i heard God's Word, i knew what i wanted. and that is the Truth. and this was even so when i felt like there was no one on earth whom i can trust. God became my source of peace, comfort, strength, etc.

in the world and not of the world:
this is one of God's teaching tt many believers often forget. this world is not our home, we should work for what is above ie. Heaven. we were sent to earth to bring the Good News to more, so tt they might also have salvation. when things go wrong, i like to use tt to encourage myself. no matter how ppl persecute/ridicule/reject Christians, our faith remains. although i know this, i'm after all a human being, prone to fall to temptation, and wanting to give up. sometimes i'm even tempted to give up on my faith. but i must never do so!! i must draw strength from God who makes all things possible!! i pray tt God may use me to save more sinners tt are seeking the truth like i am. also, i hope tt my non-believer friends, esp. ppl like as, jazz, xw, bryan, yong en, may come to know the LORD, and enjoy His blessings. i have no wish of losing friends like them. i pray tt i may see one day in Heaven too.

disheartened. tears flowing down.
"if you're resistant to Christianity, i hope tt my faith wun affect our friendship"

went for the DA june camp.. attended workshops n learnt to integrate real life into debating.. overall i've leant quite some stuffs although i may nt b able to put all of them into gd use.. wanted to teach those kids wat i learnt, bt i dun hav sufficient resources.. all will hav to depend on whether i cn gather enough info aft my Os..
there'll be another dec camp.. it is more on direct debating skills.. i'll definitely go cz i'm sure there's a lot to learn..
it was quite a pity tt i was the only one frm fhs to attend the camp.. those kids wasn't interested.. hope they'll go for the dec one.. there's a lot of room for improvement for them.. n they hav to lead the team nxt yr (although i'm nt sure whether there'll b enuf members), so there shd b some substance in them..

one thing tt DA, esp the main organizer, could impove on, was the admin system n time management.. it was simply freaking..

18/6 sunday BLUR

last day of DA camp.. actually workshops nia..
so.. went to tampines regional library to watch a exhibition debate by the participants.. i was late n thus i missed the starting n till nw, i still duno wat exactly was the motion.. i only know it has got to do wif Guantanamo Bay & US.. bt nevertheless, i noe tt the debate wasn't well prepared.. cz it's messy n arguments were weak..
initially i wanted to leave hse at 1pm aft finish watching an engineering show.. bt no choice, i had to reach the lib at 1.30, n left b4 the show ended.. it's so interesting.. bt of cz i was stil late.. n when i reached, i din go str to watch the debate, i looked for bks instead.. kinda diao of me la..

aft tt i went to tampines mall, there was a few bookshops, bt none had wat i wanted.. pathetic isn't it.. cz the only way i could get those bks are thru amazon.com..

then i went off.. n on my way hm, i saw justin..as usual, we juz walk past each other w/o saying anything, as if strangers on the rd.. he looks as arrogant n qian da as ever.. wat a senior i've gt.. oh ya, he's in army nw.. still tot he had gone missing.. cz he din appear this yr..

The Road to Guantanamo is showing on 22/6.. i want to watch!!

17/6 saturday More Interesting

2nd day of DA camp.. learnt more..
attended Negotiation Skills (NS) & Int'l Relations (IR) workshops.. speakers were clearer than the previous one n i was able to make more notes.. h/e, i found the workshops too short n many things which i expected to be covered were nt discussed at all.. if only i could attend the other 2 as well, Stage Presence (SP) & Legal System (LS)..
during NS, we had a modified version of the nuclear talks..
n for IR, we learnt abt Realism, Liberalism, Constructivism.. n oso watched a movie on Rwanda.. a gd movie to learn from.. bt i duno the title.. anyone knows??

16/6 friday Bad Time Management

1st day of DA camp.. time wasted bcz of ppl who like to b late n ppl who duno how to spend time wisely..
attended Governance & Politics (G&P) workshop.. the speaker blabbers off as he likes and i try as hard as i could to catch the main pts bt i still missed some.. haiz.. din learn much.. he juz talks in bits n pieces.. we watched a documentary abt the 9/11 incident.. the title is Loose Change or something similar.. i duno either.. bt it's nice.. can look at some tiny details n hav diff perspectives on the truth of the incident..

7/6 wednesday SHOCKED

last day of hols cls.. had history elective.. covered chp 6.1 only.. n watched Hitler: the rise of evil.. the movie nt v informative.. bt overall ok la..

aft cls helped yy pass things to tt dong xi.. bt he nt there.. so i juz left it on his table.. then i waited with yy.. she left 1st to fetch her mum.. n i slowly waited for tt dcan to come.. when he finally came, think he nv c me.. so.. i went to staffrm to find him.. bt in the end, he was elsewhere talking to duno who (think is shooting/ex 4c de).. n yy suddenly called me.. yuan lai tt dong xi took his time to come to sch, n dun nd to get the stuffs frm him le.. wt lo.. like bei shua liddat lo.. kns..

the shocking thing was..
when i was walking into the staffrm, ncc was walking out.. luckily he nv c me.. bt wo bei xia dao lo.. din expect him to come back during the hols..
then, when i was at the spiral, ncc was going dwn as well.. tt was when yy called me.. wanted to leave bt i juz wait for him to leave the sch 1st.. cz i noe tt i'll pass by him if i had left, n it'll b v awkward.. haix..
finally, when i was out of the sch gate, he was heading in his usual route.. ttz gd.. coz he wun c me..

something else oso surprised me..
tt fu qian de ren apologise for his past deeds n ask me giv him time to change.. v weird lo..
yy says at least he noe hw to fan xing.. lol.. quite true.. bt who noes is only temp de fan xing.. cz itz kinda unbelievable..
i rather it was sum1 else who apologized.. haiz.. ttz impossible..

haiz.. i've somehow wasted 3 days of the holidays.. no mood to do hols asgn.. only settled some ss n debate stuffs.. let's recall wat had happened..


15/5 monday SIANX

laz paper, geog p1.. din really study.. simply too tired.. haiz..

yy says lao min heard some tchers say tt ncc coming back.. haha.. gd for yy.. cz is her ''hao lao shi"..

tt fu qian de ren suddenly v free liddat.. called me at night.. so diao lo.. he go n ask sum freako abt my studies.. then tt sum1 tld him my sch attendance nt v gd.. n i ended up listening to his nagging for abt an hr.. kns.. why muz he n tt sum1 b so busybody.. it's my own business aft all.. y shd they interfere.. bleahz.. laz time oso bcz of sum1 i gt nagged.. duno is which san ba.. well.. this time some of the things he mentioned are: 1. aft june hols muz concentrate on studies (as if i duno liddat), 2. i'm actually nt stupid, 3. i'm nt smart bt i'm hardworking (2 & 3 contradicts totally, wat crap is he blabbering), 4. there r 3 person who he kan de qi n hav potential: they r me, his ex & sum1 frm anglican high (do i look as if i care), 5. there's no time to waste, v soon will b prelims & Os (think i duno meh), 6. gd prospects poly courses (bt none of which interests me), 7. muz study hard, dun later something happen then affect Os (of cz i know tt), 8. there r some things we cnt control n blah blah blah (applies to him i suppose), 9. dun cong ming fan bei cong ming wu (trying to show off ur chinese isit), 10. dun find him naggy (obviously i do), 11. any prob cn juz look for him (no way! tel him oso no use), 12. asked me y i dun trust him (dun ask me y, i oso duno, juz feel tt he's nt trustworthy), n etc.. gou luo suo bah.. i juz fu yan ta by saying tt certain things actually make sense bt when it comes out of his mouth, everything turn to rubbish.. i noe he meant well, bt i simply cnt stand his "jiao hui".. if is sum other ppl say, think i might listen..


19/5 friday

din do much today.. juz had a chat wif jin mei.. she's one of the v rare junior tt i cn talk freely to.. really glad to hav known her.. otherwise i duno how many times i'd exploded during debate.. she oso tld me abt tt ncc.. he confirm coming back.. haiz.. later yy gona anyhow ba wo gen ta che zai yi qi..

20/5 saturday DUH

did my cip.. for national arthritis foundation.. the worst flag day i have ever done.. chinese unwilling to donate.. almost all r malays.. so diao.. je interchange too many students, so out.. nearby too few ppl, out again.. in the end went to jurong west market.. n found a "feng shui wei'.. shan't talk too much abt it.. too boring le..

25/5 thursday PATHETIC

got bac our report bk.. top 10 was almost as accurate as yy n i had calculated, except tt loretta suddenly appear b4 yy, n sb's results turned out weird.. bt well.. doesn't matter anyway.. whole cls results sux.. to think the P n VP dare to say tt they r worried abt our cls.. crap lo.. we're in this state all thanks to them.. still say all this mei you jian she xing de fei hua.. boliao.. giv us tt kind of math tcher.. dun do well then scold us.. wth.. who do they think they r to scold us as n when they wan.. bt the cls has got themeselves to blame as well.. all those talks abt petition r juz for show only.. all r timid lyk mice.. lian yi sheng dou bu gan keng.. hai jiang zhe me duo gan she me..

this time rd i gt the worst results thru'out my sec life.. overall % so damn low.. bt hai hao tt disneyland only gt 2nd.. haha.. huo gai.. n his chinese is so lousy, c5 nia.. zhen shi dui lian.. lp improved a lot.. bt she still say until v lan liddat.. wt lo..

26/5 friday HYPOCRITE

watched movie during hcl lesson.. a little weird bt overall quite nice..
in b/w miss jun came n look for me to settle some stuffs for prize-giving.. she was sick bt came to sch.. i tld her i'll handle everything so tt she can go n see a doctor.. although i do hav some bu man wif her, i'm nt tt evil.. the organizer finally sent atiqa's n aaron's certs to the sch.. phew.. if nt duno gai ru he shi hao..

went to look for mr teo during recess bt he wasn't there.. so no choice had to wait till a later time..

left early during phy to settle debate again.. missed 15 mins of lesson.. haiz..
went to look for the speakers.. n luckily mr teo was in the hod office.. if nt oso duno where to find him.. passed him the trophies n certs.. i wanted to go bac to hall bt he tld me to hav a seat 1st while he check thru the things to b read.. hao kong bu.. he was surprised when he saw tt there were quite a lot of ppl to b mentioned.. wat to do.. dun mention ppl will say i dun appreciate them, otherwise say wo wang en fu yi..

today had mass assembly.. during the prize giving, we were the only ones wearing blazers.. a little extra.. bt since 1st time get into semi finals, muz b proud of our performance n wear our "zhan yi".. when we were standing by the side of the hall.. we seemed like some orphans.. no one cares abt us, we juz do whatever we want n sui ji ying bian.. luckily i've received prizes on stage b4, so cnt really b bothered by those freaking tchers.. eve n i are really v proud of atiqa n aaron for getting 4th n 7th in the top 20 best speaker.. esp aaron, 1st yr join only n achieved it.. even my seniors din manage to get thru the prelims, or get top 20.. oen said to me: "i'm v proud of u".. so hypocrite.. only cared abt us when we gt into semi.. go n die la.. laz minute then lend us hlp (which were obviously useless to me).. she think my debaters will b grateful.. no way.. we hate her to the core.. the only thing i agree with her is tt it's alright to sacrifice ur CT for ur cca competition.. oh ya.. i feel like laughing when they mentioned the names of 5 tchers.. make it sound as if a lot of ppl hlp us liddat.. pui.. 1 helped a little in term 1.. 1 helped a lot in term 2.. another tried to hlp bt yue bang yue mang, hai wo gen can.. the other 2 r for show nia..

the trophy shall become a symbol of my determination n passion towards debating.. no one really cared for me n my debaters.. both tchers n seniors dun care at all.. bt it's fine.. i still managed to survive the ordeals n we made it to the semi.. we dun nd their hlp.. we depended on ourselves n everything went absolutely right.. bt somehow the sch doesn't realize this.. they think tt we nd them bt actually we dun.. the in-charge made the debate team become a refugee camp.. n so the sch juz throw watever fei wu to us.. well.. they din had the chance to do so this yr.. watever rubbish thrown to us were kicked away by me.. n i wun allow the debate team to become a rubbish dump ever again, nt even aft i graduate.. sounds arrogant.. bt ttz exactly wat i'll do.. if i cn, i'll make debating become an individual cca.. debaters won't b shadowed by the drama ppl anymore.. i had enough of it.. i was forced to go to drama when i was only interested in debating.. thru'out the year in sec 1 n 2, the so-called eldds meetings only did drama.. debating was as gd as non-existence when the competition was over.. the previous 3 batches din even bother to do anything either.. wat kind of attitude was tt.. i still rmb laz yr the speakers gt scolded for dressing sloppishly for competition.. initially i din understand y tt jtjw reprimanded them as though it was all their fault.. bt nw i noe.. they deserved it.. this yr i made it compulsory for them to b as formal as possible.. polished leather shoes, sch tie n blazer, neat hairstyle.. seems troublesome.. bt they still followed my instructions.. n i'm really glad.. i had v high expectations of the speakers, n i made sure the slightest mistake was corrected.. bt the pathetic thing was.. i screwed up the semi finals.. aft being denied the chance of speaking bcz i din perform well in sec 2, i lost my confidence in speaking in front of the adjudicators.. this time rd it was impromptu n the motion was something totally unexpected.. we had not done any research on tt area n hence we lacked the contents.. being the propo, lacking in things to debate on was the worst tt cn ever happen.. although i could talk to large grps of ppl, somehow i juz couldn't find the confidence.. n eventually we lost.. n we missed the chance to gt into the finals n move to the 'b' division.. i was really touched atiqa's, aaron's n eve's words aft the announcement.. tt was the 1st time i felt the strong team spirit b/w us.. i had been v strict with them, bt they didn't blame me.. this made me guilty towards them too.. there's a lot of things tt i hope to tell them, bt i'm nt able to express well.. besides my members, wo ye you kui yu yi ge ren.. haiz.. all i cn say is tt i'm v grateful for their assistance n his willingness to hlp the "forgotten team"..


going to watch a band concert tml.. long time nv watch le.. hao qi dai..


latest update for yy: iris tld me ur "hao lao shi" request to teach 3e.. haha.. juz FYI nia..

27/5 saturday NOT BAD

watched AJC band concert.. overall quite nice.. juz tt 1st 2 pieces nt v gd, was a lil messy.. h/e, i still prefer sp de band concert though both r gd in their own ways.. it has been abt 1.5 yrs since i left band.. so i shan't comment too much.. bt i miss the days in band!!

finally.. soon the horrifying mye is coming to an end.. it's the worst thru'out my 3.5 yrs in fuhua.. although we've taken 15 papers.. it's like i've taken none.. i couldn't get much into my brain.. esp for my humanities.. gona disappoint mrs bala again.. my ans all seem so brief.. haiz.. bt luckily i'm already prepared to sacrifice my mye for prelims n Os.. aft all.. i'm nt really interested in the 3 mths jc course.. i'd rather spend the time doing debate stuffs..

n btw yy.. i think i noe how my sis noe abt the existence of ncc le.. if i'm nt wrong.. tt time i accidentally publish the previous post n she went to read it.. freaking sia.. nxt time hav to b extremely careful le..

i'm not so evil like jazz or yy.. so.. i'll just list the 7 qualities for fun.. lame bt who cares.. haha..

Gender: male but of cz
[1] Sincerity
[2] Trusting & Truthful
[3] a lot of Tolerance/Patience
[4] Understanding
[5] Reasonable
[6] Polite
[7] Confident but yet Humble

it has been around 9 mths since i last blogged..

so much things have happened since the start of 2006.. mainly bad things i would say..

firstly.. studies..
it's in a mess..
1st mth was so damn blur..
then frm feb til nw, had been doing debate stuffs every week.. kind of neglected my studies.. haiz.. owed quite a number of hmwk.. plus often absent frm sch n always thinking abt debate, could hardly concentrate in cls.. who cn help me ah..

secondly.. cca..
most sec 4s have already stopped going for their cca.. but.. down here i'm still fretting over competition.. though i'm really glad tt we've made in into the semi-finlas (1st time in fuhua history).. i've already broken down, in terms of mental n health.. worst still.. the kiddos are giving me trouble..
it's really wierd.. ever since we had a coach for the quarter finals.. ppl start to rebel n complain non-stop.. i've no idea what they're thinking.. they wanted a coach n i managed to persuade our tcher to get us one.. then.. when she came.. they complained abt her harshness etc.. it's so diao.. they're so troublesome n fickle-minded.. wat exactly do they want..??
today's meeting was worst.. i'm utterly disappointed wif one of my speakers.. she had the most freedom, least stress, and yet she complained the most today.. wat kind of attitude is this.. i trusted her to be a responsible, self-initiated n sensible member.. bt in the end.. the one who disappointed me the most was her.. if ws say we're ingrates.. then isn't she a betrayal of my trust..
the debate team on a whole is basically like a refugee camp, a dumping ground, a storeroom n whatsoever.. i've members who were forced to come, who had no cca, who came for the sake of coming etc.. my expectations are v simple.. for the team to be made up of ppl who have the passion for debate or ppl who are really keen to learn more about debate.. what's so difficult about these..??
the sch sends us to competition.. when we lose.. they don't care.. when we win.. they make it sound so good as if they give us so much support n tt tchers are assisting us.. all these are but nonsense.. they sch was never really concerned about debate.. a lot of ppl din even knew there was such as cca.. what's the point of saying tt debate is under eldds when ppl who join eldds only know abt drama.. is the sch trying to tell us tt we should just close down debate.. we dun even get a proper cca tcher in-charge who takes good care of the team.. while the "in-charge" is on course, they sch simply throws us a NIE tcher.. what do they take us for.. an useless ca who doesn't contribute to the school.. while other CCAs have funds for their activities.. we have nth.. absolutely nth..

thirdly.. work..
i'm getting sick of working, facing those irritating customers who think they are so great n managers who just know who to talk crap..

fourthly.. health..
bcz of the need to juggle studies n debate.. i often had to stay up late at night, sometimes even forgoing my slp.. the stress level has caused me to breakdown twice, with the most recent one taking place today..


yy ah.. i today v diu lian sia..
lyk wat i tld u.. i cnt take the stress today n i exploded.. in the midst of the meeting.. i flared up n walked off.. i went back to cls n then my tears fell.. not because i got scolded or wat.. bt bcz i was so angry n disappointed with them.. suddenly, ncc appear from behind n he saw me crying lor.. he must think tt i'm so weak lo.. haiz .. and as i expected.. he's v longwinded.. being new to my team, he tried to maintain neutral bt what he said often make me feel tt he was siding them.. aft all.. he's not me.. he wun understand how i feel.. whatever i do is for the sake of the team.. it's not as if i wan them to be grateful to me when they win.. i just want them to put in the effort n fight a good battle.. they might think i'm too harsh on them.. but they've yet to see worst.. if they can't even stand my style of leading the team.. how r they going to survive nxt time when they step into the society..

regarding wat yy said.. ya.. i agree tt he's a nice tcher.. bt.. we ba zi bu he bah.. cz everytime i c him sure gt something bad happen.. n hor.. i was too agitated juz now n din care abt his mian zi as a tcher.. the tone n volume in which i spoke to him was so damn rude.. bt i couldn't help it.. he came at the wrong time when i haven cool down yet.. how ah??


04.04.06 is a bad day.. studied for long hours.. had a freaking test.. destroyed a meeting which i had everything planned carefully.. n made life difficult for myself n ncc..

it's been more than a mth since i last updated.. damn lazy.. life seems meaningless.. everything is in a mess.. how i wish things could be made simpler.. less trouble.. less quarrels.. much happier life.. have a urge to cry.. can someone help me..??

mid yr exam is over.. got back the results.. can't be worst.. i actually failed 3 subjects.. totally unexpected.. overall.. i wasn't even in the top ten.. even that ms ek look down on me.. wtf.. it's my fate.. that i should be a failure.. everything just seem to go haywire..

besides my results.. even my friends are turning against me.. especially that someone.. i have totally no idea what i've done that caused her to be so angry.. if there's anything that she's not happy about.. can't she say it out.. since you can tell someone else.. why can't you tell me.. if it has got something to do with my attitude or someone.. just say it out.. don't you find it stressing to try and act like as if nothing has happened.. i don't wish to see our friendship being strained.. don't you understand..

everyone in the gang is getting along very well.. except me.. why must this be so.. things used to be simpler and there were less quarrels.. what is going on..

studies.. friends.. attitudes.. lost.. helpless..

it has been more than a year.. but i still can't get over him.. can someone tell me what to do..

thinking of all that has happened.. everything has changed.. from bad to worst..

28/4

had EL paper1 & 2.. P2 stil ok.. bt kinda worried i count wrongly for summary.. was lyk rushing.. then duno y when i count again.. less 10 words.. die sia.. later kena penalised.. P1 i cant tink.. both sections write v short only.. in the past cn write up to 400plus nw only 360+ ..

went hm.. used com.. watch tv.. at nite chatted wif AS for awhile.. he say i v quiet.. indeed.. i kind of dun feel lyk talking.. sorry gor.. made u worried abt me.. bt i tink itz stil fine.. i'm juz returning to my old self.. aft all.. i'm anti-social to begin wif.. been having a lot of troubles.. bt dun wana disturb u.. so nwadays din complain to u.. bt mayb soon u'll receive my sms.. u say can find u if gt any probs.. bt dun later regret..

slacked til 10plus den revise for hcl.. slpt at 3plus den woke up at ard 5.30 .. bt stil din manage to finish revising.. wasted a lot of time on the less important units.. sad sia..

29/4

HCL P1 & 2.. overall stil manageable.. juz tt i left a blank in the 1st qn.. wasted.. the word so easy yet i 4gt hw 2 write.. aft exam went to take SS test paper.. 17/25.. quite surprised.. thought i wil fail.. jazz pro sia.. 20/25.. win liao lo.. nwadays studies beta than me le..

went hm.. as per normal.. go online n watch tv..chatted wif dhl, yy, angeline, mq n jm.. crapped alot wif yy, dhl n mq.. nth beta to do..

dhl muz hav eaten the wrong medicine.. for the 1st time.. we chat w/o any shooting or suan-ing.. miracle sia.. he was tinking of whether or nt to dirty his golf gloves.. white, nike, leather.. seem rather classy.. in the end he stil dirtied it.. too bad.. though few strokes only.. muz b his club la.. he say aft his o teach me play golf.. he sure wil 4gt de.. so many mei.. u beta rmb ah.. if nt i kill u..

sianx ah.. more than a wk nv blog le.. damn lazy.. 4gt wat had happened le.. slacked during the holidays wich din reali seem lyk one.. slpt v late most of the times.. 4-5plus.. v energetic in the midnite.. oso duno y.. din reali enjoy.. oni wen i accompanied piglet for her CIP.. talk a lot.. crap most of the time.. though had a hard time raising funds.. bt at least beta than stuck at hm..
sch reopened 3rd day le.. tuesday yang bao bao nv cum.. tot gt no hmwk 2 do.. bt stil had a relief tcher n hmwk.. boliao sia.. nv cum stil torture us..
tml gt maths test.. hope cn pas.. n eng remedial.. beta dun drag.. den nd go debate meeting.. finali laz rd le.. on 1st apr.. hopefully cn win.. at least beta than lose all..