it's been 465 days since i last posted. somehow life has been in such a mess that it seems pointless to blog. but well, i suddenly have an urge to note down what had happened recently.

fri was quite a scary day.. to cut things short. the best word to describe my feelings is DISCOURAGED. i was so looking forward to tt day to meet up with as, and of coz i made yy come along, and end up lp came too. i wanted to share the Good News, but as n lp's reply made me soooooo discouraged. nevertheless, i still thank God tt He gave me the chance to find out what is as de stand w.r.t Christianity. fri was the 1st time i ever felt like giving up. i can't explain what happenend, somehow Satan half succeeded. luckily, while i was doing my discipleship hmwk, God spoke to me thru 1 Cor 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Praise the LORD for this wonderful verse tt came at the right time. nowadays i tend to have little faith. so fellow brethrens, pls pray for me to stay close to God. thank God also for the Reformation Rally. once again He reminded to stand strong on my faith.

my studies have come to an all-time low. worst results ever. why have i gone to jj in the 1st place. giving up my SA, my debate. sometimes i just feel like giving up. yet i dun wan to lead a life of fear, not knowing where i would end up. i was once full of drive, wanting so much to get into CBE in nus, but now.. i dun even know what i will get in my As.. whateverit is, i trust God, for He knows the plans for me. in Him i have hope and future, and He only gives me the best. even though ppl may not understand, but i know clearly tt through Him, nth is impossible and desperate.

thanksgivings:
1. thank God for the time i had in SA at the start of the yr, where i got to hear the Scriptures, know my wonderful debate coach, fellow debaters and seniors
2. that i'm now His child
3. God's faithfulness
4. God's sustainence
5. loving Galileans who never cease to show concern and who helped me in my studies
6. my twin - YY. i can't imagine what life would be without her, esp in JJ. words can never describe how glad i am for her being there
7. my discipler - Allvina, who is like a big sister whom i can share my problems with
8. my gor - AS, who has patiently listened to my complains etc since i was in sec 1
9. my SA debate coach - Nelson, who brought me to Galilee, showed me what it means to be a Christian, gave me my 1st bible, and many other materials, etc. through him, i got to know more about God. 10. for everthing that God has given me.
11. a verse for all: "Rejoice in the LORD always, and i say it again, rejoice! The LORD is near, let your gentleness be evident to all. In everything give thanks."

prayers:
1. to seek the heart of God, study His Word, seek His Will, and most importantly, to focus on God.
2. to share the Good News to as many non-believers as possible, namely, as, lp, yong en, bryan, etc. that friendships wun be lost due to my faith, but rather stronger friendships be built thru the same faith
3. wisdom for the last lap of PW - OP
4. more wisdom for my re-exams - Math and Chinese Lit.
5. still wisdom - for SCSF and SSEF
6. courage to say things that i ought to
7. that God will speak to as n lp, so that they might be more receptive to His Word, and read the materials tt i've given them
8. for yy's n my spiritual growth
9. another verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcneds all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

extremely short version of my testimony:
before i went to SA, i was an anti-Christian, and i really hated them. then after i heard the Scriptures - from the book of Psalm and the book of Proverb - i became interested in God's Word. thank God i was brought to Galilee, where i could study His Word. from then on, i had always wanted to share the Gospel with others, and i even wanted to go on missions. slowly, after 4mths, i finally received Christ. it was really God's perfect timing. i was doing my Precepts hmwk, and i was thinking of receiving Christ through my own prayer. suddenly, Pastor came by, and He asked me the same qn again. so.. he told me a lot of things, went thru the 10 commandments in details, and prayed with me. from then on, i was no longer a slave to sin. praise the LORD for He did not give me up.

my sis doesn't understand my faith, ttz why she cnt agree with me. well, i was spiritually blind previously, blindly following my mum's religion, not knowing if what i did really made any difference. i recall when my youngest auntie passed away, i was so sad. i often prayed to the buddhist god, hoping tt she will have a better life in the netherworld after suffering from her illness when she was alive. then, when my grandma passed away, i guess i had became "immuned" in a sense. i wasn't exactly sad, but i felt strange with my grandma gone. we had to go thru a lot of rituals as instructed by the priests. back then i was thinking, are these really useful? since young i've been having this qn: how can u be sure tt the incense papers u've burnt will get to ur relative? nth can prove tt what u're doing is useful. i wasn't exactly a religious person. i didn't quite believe in the gods tt my mum prayed to. however, after i heard God's Word, i knew what i wanted. and that is the Truth. and this was even so when i felt like there was no one on earth whom i can trust. God became my source of peace, comfort, strength, etc.

in the world and not of the world:
this is one of God's teaching tt many believers often forget. this world is not our home, we should work for what is above ie. Heaven. we were sent to earth to bring the Good News to more, so tt they might also have salvation. when things go wrong, i like to use tt to encourage myself. no matter how ppl persecute/ridicule/reject Christians, our faith remains. although i know this, i'm after all a human being, prone to fall to temptation, and wanting to give up. sometimes i'm even tempted to give up on my faith. but i must never do so!! i must draw strength from God who makes all things possible!! i pray tt God may use me to save more sinners tt are seeking the truth like i am. also, i hope tt my non-believer friends, esp. ppl like as, jazz, xw, bryan, yong en, may come to know the LORD, and enjoy His blessings. i have no wish of losing friends like them. i pray tt i may see one day in Heaven too.

disheartened. tears flowing down.
"if you're resistant to Christianity, i hope tt my faith wun affect our friendship"