it has been around 9 mths since i last blogged..

so much things have happened since the start of 2006.. mainly bad things i would say..

firstly.. studies..
it's in a mess..
1st mth was so damn blur..
then frm feb til nw, had been doing debate stuffs every week.. kind of neglected my studies.. haiz.. owed quite a number of hmwk.. plus often absent frm sch n always thinking abt debate, could hardly concentrate in cls.. who cn help me ah..

secondly.. cca..
most sec 4s have already stopped going for their cca.. but.. down here i'm still fretting over competition.. though i'm really glad tt we've made in into the semi-finlas (1st time in fuhua history).. i've already broken down, in terms of mental n health.. worst still.. the kiddos are giving me trouble..
it's really wierd.. ever since we had a coach for the quarter finals.. ppl start to rebel n complain non-stop.. i've no idea what they're thinking.. they wanted a coach n i managed to persuade our tcher to get us one.. then.. when she came.. they complained abt her harshness etc.. it's so diao.. they're so troublesome n fickle-minded.. wat exactly do they want..??
today's meeting was worst.. i'm utterly disappointed wif one of my speakers.. she had the most freedom, least stress, and yet she complained the most today.. wat kind of attitude is this.. i trusted her to be a responsible, self-initiated n sensible member.. bt in the end.. the one who disappointed me the most was her.. if ws say we're ingrates.. then isn't she a betrayal of my trust..
the debate team on a whole is basically like a refugee camp, a dumping ground, a storeroom n whatsoever.. i've members who were forced to come, who had no cca, who came for the sake of coming etc.. my expectations are v simple.. for the team to be made up of ppl who have the passion for debate or ppl who are really keen to learn more about debate.. what's so difficult about these..??
the sch sends us to competition.. when we lose.. they don't care.. when we win.. they make it sound so good as if they give us so much support n tt tchers are assisting us.. all these are but nonsense.. they sch was never really concerned about debate.. a lot of ppl din even knew there was such as cca.. what's the point of saying tt debate is under eldds when ppl who join eldds only know abt drama.. is the sch trying to tell us tt we should just close down debate.. we dun even get a proper cca tcher in-charge who takes good care of the team.. while the "in-charge" is on course, they sch simply throws us a NIE tcher.. what do they take us for.. an useless ca who doesn't contribute to the school.. while other CCAs have funds for their activities.. we have nth.. absolutely nth..

thirdly.. work..
i'm getting sick of working, facing those irritating customers who think they are so great n managers who just know who to talk crap..

fourthly.. health..
bcz of the need to juggle studies n debate.. i often had to stay up late at night, sometimes even forgoing my slp.. the stress level has caused me to breakdown twice, with the most recent one taking place today..


yy ah.. i today v diu lian sia..
lyk wat i tld u.. i cnt take the stress today n i exploded.. in the midst of the meeting.. i flared up n walked off.. i went back to cls n then my tears fell.. not because i got scolded or wat.. bt bcz i was so angry n disappointed with them.. suddenly, ncc appear from behind n he saw me crying lor.. he must think tt i'm so weak lo.. haiz .. and as i expected.. he's v longwinded.. being new to my team, he tried to maintain neutral bt what he said often make me feel tt he was siding them.. aft all.. he's not me.. he wun understand how i feel.. whatever i do is for the sake of the team.. it's not as if i wan them to be grateful to me when they win.. i just want them to put in the effort n fight a good battle.. they might think i'm too harsh on them.. but they've yet to see worst.. if they can't even stand my style of leading the team.. how r they going to survive nxt time when they step into the society..

regarding wat yy said.. ya.. i agree tt he's a nice tcher.. bt.. we ba zi bu he bah.. cz everytime i c him sure gt something bad happen.. n hor.. i was too agitated juz now n din care abt his mian zi as a tcher.. the tone n volume in which i spoke to him was so damn rude.. bt i couldn't help it.. he came at the wrong time when i haven cool down yet.. how ah??


04.04.06 is a bad day.. studied for long hours.. had a freaking test.. destroyed a meeting which i had everything planned carefully.. n made life difficult for myself n ncc..